A sentance

"However, I most probably said, Auschwitz did - that is does - exist, and therefore there is also an explanation for it; what there is no explanation for is that there was no Auschwitz, that is to say it would be more impossible to hit upon an explanation for Auschwitz not coming into being, for the state of the world being such as not to be reified in the fact that we call 'Auschwitz'; yes there would be no explanation for an absence of Auschwitz, from which it follows that Auschwitz has been hanging around in the air from long ago, who knows, perhaps for centuries. , like dark fruit ripening in the sparkling rays of innumerable disgraces, waiting for the time when it may at last drop on mankind's head, for in the end what is is and the fact that it is is necessary because it is..." From 'Kaddish for an unborn child', Imre Kertesz.

The sentence doesn't end there but I'm trying to show this style which I have never seen before, and feels to me like the way I think, the way of thought, a turmoil of reasoning but with an overall progression, or at least so we feel; because after all the progression too is in our mind.

I keep thinking about this mind, would you like to see inside mine? The room I show is the reception, disguised as an office, with high vaulted ceilings, painted a dull green;my paintings on the wall, and books I love in shelves and piles on an old writing desk. Maybe though, you'd notice the floor. You might not comment, thinking it's an interior design trend you will too follow. Textured like an aero bar, and the same colour. Smaller holes like bubbles, and the earth has in places crumbled further into man-sized tunnels, covered up for your safety and mine with planks of wood and sheepskin rugs.

Other people's poetry
knows me better than I do.
I am rather careful not to fall down that rabbit hole.
I will follow
boys
books
I know I will find in those depths of my mind
Not escaping my brain, to some higher plane
Only more self.
Mephistopheles strokes my hair.
Myself Mephisto lulling myself back to sleep.
I dig my largest toe deep into the mattress,
arching my foot and rubbing slowly but insistently.
I point my tongue at my smooth sensitive gum, rubbing slowly but insistently.
As I think I'm waking up, I'm just touching myself.

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On another note, more pleasant and familiar, today a much-anticipated package from one I love arrived in the post. It was stamped, 'small package' and it reminded me of this photo.

So 'til Sunday I'm staying with Anna. This is bad for blogging but good for learning by immersion. Some phrases to learn in my virtual absence:

Hungarian Phonetic English (I expect you know these three)

Szia Seeya Hello/Goodbye

Köszönöm Kersenem Thankyou

Ez szép ez sape It's beautiful

Mért széretlek Mairt sairetleck Because I love you

Tudom too-dom I know

This is the only conversation that I have. And if you believe that, reexamine the last post.

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